does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
These tits shall not be calmed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
