You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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