He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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