FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
