There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
