I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
