Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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