Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
