This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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