I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
