every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
