hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
