he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
