Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I will die if light touches me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
