That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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