I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
