her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
