I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
