Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am naked and annoyed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
