Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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