wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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