matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
