Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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