i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
