areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
