What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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