Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
