I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
