ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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