You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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