Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And then he peed in my hair
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