Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
