O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
