I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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