we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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