I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
