and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
