i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
