I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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