She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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