SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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