Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
