I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
