I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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