so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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