Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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