it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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