I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
