Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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