he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
