Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
