How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
