I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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