Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
